22nd October, 2015
I don’t believe in god. I had always had numerous issues trying to confront myself about the almighty’s existence. But there had been moments when I found it hard to settle over a few things. The alignment of atoms the way they are, the beginning of everything, the nature.I postpone my doubts to be answered by someone or something, some other day. Of all, I don’t believe in the god, all these people around me beg from.
Still, I am on this trip to Rajasthan with my family, to visit a few of the beautiful temples the state had got. Yesterday, we had climbed 1100 stairs to visit one of them, and today I don’t even remember if I prayed to each and every god my family might had expected me to. I wasn’t much worried, as we headed towards our next destination in Ajmer, the famous Khwaja Saheb’s Dargah. I do believe if god exists, my prayers will be heard from everywhere.
I walked up in the corridors, mostly thinking about one of my Muslim friend, who helped me recite a Urdu prayer over Facebook chat. Sadly I didn’t remember a single word of it, and my fathers’ reaction to me using my cellphone all the time didn’t allow me to check the prayer out again. I moved inside to the chamber where the holy grave was, reciting the wishes I begged at every other temple.during this trip ‘IIT, this and this, That girl, this and this…’
The chamber inside the mosque was quiet crowded. All I needed to do was to stand and let my body loose, the crowd just took me in with the pushes and I expected to get out the same way. Some lady behind me stated something, bringing me out of my thoughts. It was hard to recognize her voice among the constant prayers and wishes being forwarded and reflected through the walls. Maybe she had asked me to provide her some space, which seemed around impossible for me tp. I tried to push myself among the few people and continued with my list again,’that girl, this and this..’
She called out again, her voice was audible yet not clear. I turned to look at her, whatever she said, ‘get aside’ wasnt that. Her face was wet, her dupatta covering her face as tears rolled down her eyes such that nothing in the world could stop them. She seemed miserably filled with the pain she held, so high that it seemed to affect me as well.
I closed my eyes, bowed my head and I prayed. “Everything this lady wants.”
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