A few of the members of my family were visiting to some holy temple in a nearby city few days back to get few of their pending works on track, and my aunt wanted me to accompany them. Somebody had mentioned to them that I had something known as kaal sarp dosh in my janam patrika. The poor that was blamed for everything going wrong in my life, my failure in my exam, and at my back even for my love affairs, or the girl I had completely lost my senses over, as my family mentioned.
The belief was so strong that it led my father visit some Jyotish, a relative one, who would charge less and get assured by him that I had no such thing in my patrika. And before my father could feel good about that, he was warned about my upcoming drinking and smoking habits which the Jyotish foresaw. I assured my dad that his son wouldn’t do any such thing. Though I still don’t know if the Jyotish or I would have made a better impact on his mind.
It isn’t like I hadn’t ever smoked or drank. I had, and I am not looking forward to abandon them in near future.
I just had them a few of times, as I always lacked a partner to get high with or to drink from the same bottle. And to justify that I won’t get into an addiction, I have set a rule for myself – I wont ever do that alone.
Also, I didn’t know how to smoke I would always just end up sucking the smoke in and exhaling it out instantly.
‘Yeah, baby. Pinky-promise. I am not touching it again.‘ I had two different pairs of such sentence told to each of the girls I fell in love with, both of whom had their personal motivations to keep me away from it. I have kept my promise, for as long as they were supposed to be and gladly none of them had a problem with drinking alcohol.
And then there I stood, lighting my first cigarette, breaking every rule and promise I ever made regarding it. I stood alone, my pinky finger supporting the matchbox as I lit the cigarette. No, I was not smoking in an attempt to look cool. Moreover I tried my best to stand as much as possible on the dark side of the road, in case someone passed through that road
For the past few days I have found myself constantly depressing over dumb shit stuffs. Some days I felt bad that I am lacking any motivation, some days I felt bad for wasting another day, some days my sweetheart would appear in my dreams and ruin the whole next day for me and some days I was just depressed for being depressed.
I inhaled it inside, gulping the smoke as it was water, and slowly blowing the smoke out of my lungs. I could feel the cough rising inside, reminding me that I still didn’t know how to smoke properly. And then it reached my head, the very first hit of nicotine. I have heard that it is the most addicting of all the rest times you will smoke, and at that moment I was able to feel it as well.
For a minute second I could feel my legs tottering.The drug making its path inside my brain and pushing all my senses out of my head, making me addicted to it. The deeper it got into my blood, the more adrenaline it pumped into my body, the farther I got away from everything. I could feel my senses go numb, my mind at an ease to not being able to think about anything. It felt calm, relaxed, and again after the little moment ended, I felt myself returning to my senses. I picked it up again, another small drag and i was lost, at peace again.